Tongs.....or Forks?

Warning: do NOT read if you are in a good, carefree mood and want to stay that way.

Life. Such a small word for such a vast topic. What is life? What do we do in life? Whatever we do, why do we do it? We live, eat, drink, sleep, breathe, watch TV, laugh, cry, watch some more TV, read books, talk....there are lots of things we do. But some of them are necessities. Some are not.

Is our life predestined? Whatever we do, do we do it from our own personal choice? Or has it been written, somewhere, in God's personal logbook?

If we assume that our choices are our own, we come to a problem. A double branched problem. A pair of tongs, you may call it. We come to a path in our relatively smooth road of life, that bifurcates into two ways. Either way we look, we see clear horizons. We see where it's headed, but we don't know where it will end. What may start out as a patch of flowers, may end up with barren land. Two paths, two alternate futures.

Which one?

I, along with all the people of my age, all my friends, have unknowingly reached this division of roads. Some of them just keep driving, wherever their horses take them, not really thinking about it. Their path is easy, simple. They see only what they want to see, not really caring. Life hasn't changed for them. Blind folded. But I can see it, this division. The two ways to go.

And then I stopped. Stopped right there in the middle of the path, my past looming behind me, forever lost, never to be tread on again. And in front of me lay two futures.
Both futures have ups and downs, twists and turns.

This is the reality I, and many people face today. On one hand, you have school. Studies, books, reading, getting good marks, it's all in the same box. On the other hand, you have what I call, the j.o.l.s. Joys-of-life. In cruel, hard, opposing perspective words- distractions.

I look to my right (does the fact that it's on my right symbolise anything?) and see a road full of bumps. An unpleasant road, but far out I see a very promising future. Golden skies, green fields. Till the horizon.

This is the path which our parents prefer, want us to take. It is the path of hard work, meticulous studies, tough breaks and total dedication. It is a life that can last four, eight, maybe ten years. But the rest of the fifty that will come as the fruits of success will be far more rewarding.

I look to my left, and see a bright, sunny path. Small, inconspicuous bumps. But as I look further, I see more. A rough, unbalanced life. Difficult times lie ahead, the road is not easy, and there is no going back. The final destination is unpredictable and not very promising for some, yet extremely so for another. But yet, it is full of small things, happy moments, beautiful memories and plenty of laughs.

Is it worth it?

Which one is?

I stood, struggling with indecision, as the rest of the people pause, only for a flick of second, maybe in surprise, and then follow their chosen roads with nonchalant shrugs. I admire those who travel to my right, while I envy the influx on my left. Once here once there, my hesitant steps bring me closer and closer to the division, because no matter how much I try to stall, time always goes on and someday, I will have to choose.

That time is coming close.

I weigh my options. On one hand, I have the dedicated path. The path which I, and my parents who insist I follow the right, know I am capable of doing. Half the people who travel on my left, know they cannot go to their right, no matter how much they want to. They were not born to pass the test to follow it, or else they grew up having made to believe so.

But I do have that capability, and I can go to my right. I want to go there, to be able to deserve the promising fruits, to feel good about myself. Because I know if I go to my left, I will regret. And I would never be able to live with the regret of knowing that I could have gone there, done so much better, stretched my capabilites to the limit, been so much more respected by others and myself, if I had gone on my right. Simple enough.

But can I do it?

Can I give up all the wonderful things of life, the small joys or "distractions" that are a part of everybody's teenage days? Do I have the will, focus and toughness to be able to steer myself? Because I know I will never regret doing that, going on my right. I will never regret it. And it is only for a few years. Only a few hard years, and then I can enjoy as many joys of life as possible.

But I want to enjoy now, while I still can. I want to be able to grow up and live with the sweet memories of today.

So to answer the previous asked question: Am I strong enough to give it all up?
No, I'm not.

I realise what my problem is.

The path to my right is my destiny. The path to my left is my regret.

Yet, the desire for both is equal.

I look straight ahead, and notice for the first time, a thin, faint line. A small dusty path. I had not noticed before. As I stare at it, it becomes relatively clear, and I realise then, what I had been blind to. To my amazement, there are a few people, so strong, so focused who walk straight ahead, onto that thin strand in the middle.

The middle option. The essence of both. The balance.

I watch, as these strong minded people step up to the base, their arms outstretched on either side of them. They wobble slightly, and then regain lost balance. And slowly, steadily, with practice, they step forward. And then they are gone, amongst the hazy mist of indecision and unknown, unpredictable choices, that obscures the future from us, watchers.

The middle path, no, the middle rope, the balance. Because that's what it is, a tightrope. A think rod in the middle, too small for stopping, to risky for the uncertain. As it reaches towards the horizon, I see the people look around, while enjoying the beauty on the left, they share the difficulty of the people on the right. Burden of both, benefits of both. But only half of each. An equal share.

Is it possible that the tongs could actually be...a fork?

A balance, but a very delicate one. One that can topple you over with the slightest push, with the slightest slip of the foot, or concentration. Yes, I watch in pain and horror, as a few followers of the rope start to loose footing, fumble with the set rhythm, and fall. Simply fall. Most do not get up, but those who do, don't try to get back on.

Yet, I can see the joys of following it. I could walk down the middle, where I can see both paths. Enjoy both dreams. Live both lives. What I had always wanted, I was given the chance to have. And I know, the price is hard, and it would be tremendously difficult.

But then I realise that I still might regret not going completely on my right, where I could have achieved the greatest height while in the middle, I achieved only three-fourths of what I am capable of doing. Of course, even three-fourths will be enough, will be beyond expectations. And that thought makes me imagine where hundred percent would get me.

But is staying content with second best very wrong?

Why can't I achieve second best of my capabilities, while still embracing the joys of life? Why can't I then look back, when I have finally reached my destination, and smile at my achievements, regretting yet not regretting. Thinking of the right, but happy with the left. A balance of both.

But can I keep my own? Will I be able to focus on keeping my eyes to the right, when the time comes, without giving in to the temptation of glancing to my left? Because one glance is all it will take to loose balance. The pattern is set, when to look left, when to look right. Will I be able to stick to it?

Will everyone understand? Everyone who believed that I would go to my right, everyone who pleaded me to got to the left, will they accept? Will they stand with me, beside me on their respective roads and hold my hand while I tread the rope? Will they help me? Or will their disappointment and disapproval make me regret my choice more that I could have regretted any other?

Because no matter what, I will regret my choice. Not as much as if I had gone to me left, but a twinge of it will always remain, though snubbed my the flame of joyful memories of my left. Is it worth it?

Questions swirl in my head. I take a deep breath. One questions glares out at me.

Can I walk the tightrope?

But it will be difficult. More difficult than any other road. Very difficult. I will need strength, mental strength and focus.
Yet I think it will be worth it.

I look up and realise that the bells are chiming. Everyone waits expectantly - my family, freinds, admirers. I look ahead at the fork. My time has finally come.

And, holding hands with my awe-inspiring believers of the right, and my enviable preachers of my left, I step up to the thin strand of joyful pain and painful joy, waiting for the unexpected and walking to the unknown, each balanced step at a time.